"Eyes Up Here Please!"

If you’ve been round the adoption community for long at all, or ready any books on trauma, I don’t have to tell you that transitions can be hard for the little people in our lives (and let’s be honest, they’re hard for us, too). Knowing this, it should be of no surprise to us that every year, as school starts back up, unusual behaviors frequently pop up.  But for some reason it is.

Back in May, my girls started doing CrossFit twice a week. The thought was that it would be fantastic for my sensory seeking 7-year-old to get the deep inputs that she needs (and would help my 10-year-old with some much-needed strength training). The week before school started, the coach and I were talking about the incredible progress that we were seeing – the first few weeks, I had to stand beside Callie to keep her focused and engaged, and now she was fully participating, and not needing my attention.  And then school started. Of the 4 classes since then, one found her rolling on the floor screaming because she didn’t want to do it, another had her doing the exact opposite of what the coach would say (jump left, she’d go right, stand up, she’d sit down), and the other 2, well, it seemed as if every other sentence out of the coach’s mouth was, “Callie, eyes up here please.”  Each time I heard her name called, my body instinctively cringed, ready to unload deep apologies for the lack of focus.  When I ask her about what’s going on, she usually responds, “I just don’t know, Mommy. My insides are all confused, and I can’t sort them out.”

If I’m fair, I struggle, too.  I like routine and predictability.  I like to have my plan. But if I’ve learned one thing from this adventure I’m on, God likes to keep changing things up and checking on my commitment and obedience.  Heck, I’m now the single mama of 2 girls born on the other side of the world and still waiting for my Prince Charming to show up!  When I struggle with parenting, next-steps in ministry, or a myriad of other areas and, like Callie, “my insides are all confused,”, I have developed some unhealthy coping skills – like turning to a bag of chips or camping out on the couch in front of the Hallmark Channel.

There is a better solution than Callie letting it all out or me burying it all inside.  Just like Callie’s coach, the Lord is saying to each of us, “eyes up here please”:

 ^“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.”
Psalm 121:1-4

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
Proverbs3:5-6

The Many Faces of Service

Have you ever stopped to think about just how many different ways there are to serve?

Often we think that to serve others, it must be in some grandiose way...something big, formal, well planned.

That is sometimes the case.

We travel on missions trips to China and Honduras; to Haiti and Ukraine.  These efforts are important and impact lives.  Hopefully through their efforts, teams share and show the Gospel with those they meet.  Maybe this is done through Vacation Bible School, digging wells, building houses, or distributing Bibles.

But what about the everyday things that we do to serve?  Buying a few extra cans of food for the food bank, leaving a quarter in the Aldi's cart, raking our neighbor's leaves. 

In John 12:26 it says,

"Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. 

My Father will honor the one who serves me."

Continuing in Galatians 5:13 we read,

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. 

But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh;
rather, serve one another humbly in love."

What does your day look like?  Who will you come in contact with?  How might you serve them?  Maybe you'll buy a cup of coffee for the person behind you in the drive-through line; maybe you'll go with us to serve at a homeless women's shelter; maybe you'll hold the door for a mom struggling to carry 2 toddlers and their associated paraphernalia; maybe...

The thing that is important isn't HOW you serve, but that you DO serve.  Serving is putting someone else first; it is humbly showing love to another; it is striving to follow in the footsteps of Jesus.

The Goal is NOT Perfection

I know that I'm not alone in my ongoing struggle to want to be perfect. From the time I was a little girl, I wanted things to be "just so." I had pictures in my head and my heart of what my life would look like when I "grew up" - the kind of house I would live in, what my family would look like, the lifestyle we would share. It's funny how, even though I don't remember a time when Christ wasn't a part of my life, He wasn't in/on the list of things that the "younger Jen" dreamt of.

It never ceases to amaze and impact me how God uses a conversation, a book, a verse of scripture to remind you who you are, whose you are, and what is really important.

There are always going to be parts of my heart that I try to hold back, that are full of sin, and need forgiveness. No matter how hard I try, I am unable on my own to be the person that God has designed me to be.

This morning as Olivia and I were having some quiet time, we prayed and asked God to show us what He wanted us to read. We closed our eyes, opened the Bible, and put our finger down.

Luke 18:27 - "Jesus replied, 'What is impossible with men is possible with God.'"

A special friend gave me a book a few months ago that I kept looking at but hadn't gotten around to reading past the first day. Today, here is what I read:

"The goal is not perfection. It's simply to be in an intimate relationship with Christ each day, fully embrace who he created us to be, and seek to fulfill the purpose he has for us. He is our greatest strength - and the One who enables us to live out all the other strengths he's placed within us.

Hey you...
The one wondering if you've got strengths.
You do.
The one questioning if God really even wants to use you.
He does.
You've got gifts to offer the world.
Things that are good and right and true.
No one else can make a difference like you can.
Like you already do.
Dare to believe it.
Dare to receive it.
Stand tall, be strong, just go out there and be you in your own wonderful way.
Today."
(from "You're Already Awesome" by Holly Gerth)

There are oh so many parts of my heart and my life that I need to work on. But I know that as I seek to dare to draw closer to the One who has more for me, the One who has designed a better life for me than I can ever imagine, that he, and others he puts in my life, will work to refine and heal them.

No matter how hard I try, I will never be perfect. But I can be with the One who is. So can you.

Here We Go Again...

Its that time of year again...tickets are being booked, visas are being applied for, details are carefully being arranged for summer service trips.

One of the things that I learned early on in my missions work - and which, as a recovering A-type personality has been one of my greatest opportunities for growth - is that we are to plan to the best of our abilities and then know and expect that these plans will change.  It is not unusual that our conversations at the start of the day about what we will do sound very different from our day-end debriefing reviewing how we served.  Most of the time, though, it ends up a lot better than expected.

But that really isn't too different from every day life, is it?  We have a plan, an agenda, of how we are going to live our life.  Of the job that we'll have, the person we will spend our life with, the home in which we will live.  If we are honest, we want it our way, and we want it now.  But how often does that really happen?  Probably a lot less than we desire.  But even though it is different, when we take a moment to pause and honestly reflect, it, too, is usually better  isn't it?   Especially when we open ourselves to be used as God's instrument to advance His Kingdom.  (You can read about how my life has been impacted here.)

 

Tomorrow, on May 1, Into the Field will celebrate its 6th birthday.  This amazes me.  Much of how we are serving was not on our agenda when we filed those incorporation papers.  May 1, 2008 was the National Day of Prayer and then, as now, my prayer was that we would be open to God's leading and be faithful enough to keep stepping forward.    His plans are definitely better than any we could have made on our own.